Fallen Night

2011-05-12T02:59:00.002+08:00

I'm at the point where you are right in front of me..but can never reach you no matter how far I stretch my arms..

No wonder I'm a dreamer...

Holding Back

2011-04-30T11:54:00.003+08:00

What I like about you is your smile, which brightens my night shift.
The funny side of you which you don't realize is the reason I always smile.
The response that took long for me to receive that made me longing for it.
The love for your friends that makes me wonder what's more to it.

The more the reason now I wonder,
Who makes you smile even when you refuse to smile?
Who makes you laugh when you want to cry?
Who reminds you that you have someone to count on when in trouble?
Who breaks in you when you close yourself to the world?
Who you think of when you're all alone? (Do you think of me too?)

The truth is I want to be selfish because I am selfish.
I want to declare this feeling to you because I know it's true.
But a part of me wants you to be happy and see you smile.
That's why I'm holding back, and will hold back as much as possible.
For now, or maybe forever, I'll just be that person watching your back.

I don't want this feeling because it hurts..
I don't even know what you think of me..
And what scares me is you getting hurt..
So I'm holding back to show how much I love and care..

*The vulnerable part of us is our back because it is something you're eyes cannot reach. And that's why I'm watching it, so you won't have to worry now..*

Starry Starry Dreams

2011-02-01T13:29:00.005+08:00

I look up at the sky, up at its countless stars
Like dreams that are scattered yet close at each other
They shine ever so bright in their light
As they open the door for tomorrow

Sunshine lights up the room through the open window
The wind wipes away my tears, my days of old sorrow
The loneliness kept me searching for the stars I couldn't see
They were right under my feet, forever hidden

I look closely at the world, along with is countless dreams
Countless wishes, all seeking out to be granted
They shine brighter than the stars at night
The dreams are the twinkle of starry nights

*And so I walk towards the future..*

Keep Going

2011-01-22T16:06:00.003+08:00

We live like Icarus, having lost our innocent bravery
Those days and their overflowing questions, hold them tight
You find yourself in a maze searching for answers
Realize the answer is here, and everything becomes clear

Face into the breeze and hope will be there, believe that
Even if life is still hard, full of sufferings
Your tears will dry and eventually disappear
Along with worries and fears, all will be sheer

It may seem far away but for now, a smile is enough
Run and out of breath, you get through the storm
You'll find yourself still not at the end
But you know, it will be alright.

Seeing Love

2011-01-21T13:51:00.004+08:00

There was a time when our hearts felt one another
Who are you thinking about right now?

I saw your sad profile through the window
You were so close, yet so far
I was such a coward back then
I kept making excuses and running from the past

Seeing the love in your eyes
I opened the door and go to you
Now I know I can face my weakness
I want to tell you the feelings burning inside of me

In our carefree world,
you feel my hands and smile
And when I hear your voice,
my love for you grow stronger

2009-11-21T00:52:00.001+08:00

“The Girl’s Journal”
Emichan’s Version
Based on true journal

“I am only one, But still I am one…

I cannot do everything, but still I can do something…

And because I cannot do everything,

I will not refuse to do the something that I can do…”

-Edward Everett

Ashley is a student of University of Florida, known as the top party school in the States. This party is different from what Filipinos experience; and I don’t want the pleasure of elaborating it. She hates Christian; she hates God. She lives in an apartment with her boyfriend. She was in her senior year when one day she felt sick and went home and caught her boyfriend sleeping with another girl; of course she was devastated. She broke up with him, kicks him out of the apartment and posts an ad at school about needing a new roommate.

A girl named Christa found it and later on became Ashley’s roommate. Christa is a Christian (too bad for Ashley…well is it?) and has a broken family. Christa shared her passion conference experience with 25,000 youth singing and worshiping God. She told Ashley that it was the best thing that happened to her. Well Ashley didn’t care and called her fruitcake (it means Eccentric or impractical).

It was her last year in college and she wants to party all out. She forgives her boyfriend but later found out that he’s still cheating her so they broke up again. She cried and cried thinking how can she love him so much at the same time hate him, she should only hate him. Christa came and asked her if she’s okay.

“Well hell no! I’m not okay!” said Ashley.

Christa stayed and listened. She didn’t tell her bible stuffs like her mother always does instead she sympathized and felt sorry for her. She was surprised and thought to herself, no one wants to be her friend without needing anything. The one who only accepted her is her little brother, adding up Christa. Ashley was thinking she doesn’t go to parties and doesn’t do anything wrong. So she asked Christa how she can live her life like that. She just answered, it’s because of God. She laughed but Christa was serious.

Christa shared her love life, that she will be married virgin. Ashley was surprised and asked her how that is possible? Every time Ashley would have a boyfriend, their span of relationship doesn’t last for more than 3 weeks. She answered; she has a personal relationship with God. God provides all the love she needs. Ashley was awed and told her that she is perfect. Christa just smile and told her that she is not perfect in any angle.

Still Ashley wasn’t convinced. She believes that God is not for people like her; God is not for worthless people. She asked Christa, how much is God going to punish her for her wrong doings. Christa answered:

“God is not like that at all. God is all about love. He doesn’t count or care how much you’ve sinned, and that’s why he died for us”

Christa continued sharing about God and for the first time she learned something that makes sense, God is everywhere! And we don’t have to do many good things to be in heaven. Just ask God to change us, and He will. No matter how bad we can be, but if you asked Jesus to guide you, He will. All we have to do is ASK. Ashley could hardly breathe after listening, it was like her lungs and heart was pierced many times. She realized she wanted to be a Christian, and from there she became a true Christian. She was so relieved and felt that everything is going to be okay.

When she came home, she changed the way she moves, the way she treats her mom, and her antichrist attitude. Her mom cried and so does her little brother. When she opened her email, many of her friends was so happy that she changed. She never felt this accepted in all her life. One day, Christa invited her to a worship meeting, and everyone there were friendly and accepted her. There was this part where they sang, she doesn’t know the songs but its cool (^^,). There’s one song she wanted but she doesn’t know the title. She cried hearing that song and she wanted to raise her hand like the others are doing but she didn’t. As soon as she got home, she searched for the song. The song was titled:

“MIGHTY TO SAVE”

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that’s never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior;
The Hope of nations.

Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender (I surrender)

Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus (x2)

Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus. (x4)

A month before her graduation, her dad bought her a BMW. After that, she has plans to a family reunion at a café. Through the pages of Ashley’s journal and jumped to a couple of pages near the end where Ashley was very excited for her graduation. But there were empty pages afterward. No words were written about her graduation…On her way to the café, she had a car accident. She had an internal bleeding. Everybody prayed for her but in the end she died.

Ashley died in a car accident at the age of 22, but her story and God’s love that changed her life for 3 months is now being known all around the world. It took a “fruitcake” for Ashley to know about this love and grace.

It was amazing that Ashley’s story wasn’t about her alone; it was God’s work in her life. This story have inspired me to be like Fruitcake (Christa) who never gave up on Ashley and never thought of herself highly and better than others. Christa wasn’t perfect, but she tried to live out her faith and let Ashley see Jesus’ love in her life…

“Now who wants a fruitcake? The world needs one….

Let it be me and you.”

“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

-Saint Francis of Assisi

Watching Ourselves Without Notice

2009-11-21T00:43:00.003+08:00

Slowly glancing at your back
As you walk along with the crowd
Strangers endowed the absence of color
While you glow in brilliant dye

When will you notice the person at your back
Continuously watching you from afar
Pushed away by the populace
My sight for you starts to haze

Losing hope and fear of losing sight
I decided to glance away and never look back
I laugh to myself wistfully
Disgracing myself without hesitation

All reside naturally in my eyes
Those illusions that I believe would reach you
Slowly you glanced at my back without my notice
You started to watch forever from afar

(Never look back…never look back)

Waiting to be

2009-11-21T00:42:00.002+08:00

the world has gotten smaller,
while time has moved slower
i can't imagine how or why,
ever since i saw your smile

each and everyday i think of you,
how you look in every view
every move you make, every words you say
the reason i could say, "you really make my day"

and now i wonder if you think of me,
the way i look and smile each time we meet
how you think of me when you're gone at home,
will you ever do, especially when you're all alone?

all the care, love, and moments that we shared,
"i love you", these words in my heart are engraved
you are the gift that God has given me,
for i know that you are the true love i'm waiting to be..

True Love Waits

2009-11-21T00:40:00.002+08:00

Haiku:
Slowly, I was chained
Found guilty for loving you
Forsaken by love

What is this I feel, profound and upsetting?
Can a boy like me bear this sentiment?
What I realize is what I anticipated…
Yet I felt unexpectedly unabled

Haiku:
Drift and washed away
Feelings restrained in a cage
Torn apart by waves

Should I throw away the key for me not to love again?
Or should I give it to someone else for him to grave?
I am a fool who loved but never was loved
I have no pride as a man, or was I a man

Haiku:
It’s time to end it
Be not a fool just for her
I was never yours

Gradually the chains set me free from this sentiment
I felt hallow yet I know someday it will be filled
I just hope time befalls when someone does
I’ll be forever true, waiting for you..

Let's Ride...

2006-12-14T17:20:00.002+08:00

ALmost to the peak of this road...
The foolish liEs will soon disappear...
When I dream of my favorite season thaT's soon to come...
With a good chord in the right time...

I Reach amazing heights...
Seeking a connectIon beyond words to you...
This saD feeling floats like the moon...
For now, without running away...

I'll look at you...
ThE light of the old stars...
Shine down upon us...
There was nothing else in the whole world...

The mind that blows south...
To the clouds that drift along...
If you've given someone a part of your heart...
Go to them...

This sad feeling floats like the star...
From now on I won't ran away...
I'll once again look at you...
It's an awfully honest night...

For some reason I feel like crying...
Even when happiness falls apart...
It continues...
It continues..

*Welcome home, RamCh...

I'm completely useless....

2006-12-13T22:29:00.001+08:00

I'm cUrled up in the bed right now...
Thinking about Stupid things...
To Each bad premonition...
Being unreasonabLe like a child...

To mEet you past midnight...
I juSt ran in my entangled feet...
I wonder what I'm gonna talk to you about at the end....
With lotS of word just spilled...

Sometimes the mumbling of the refrigerator...
Echoes like someone's reply...
Running through the small back road in the middle of the night...
I was passed by a shadow...

Right now by your side...
Right now close to you...
I wonder what changed?
Right now that hand of yours...

Right now that smile of yours...
What is it asking for?

*I am no use to anybody. The system has failed. I am a redundancy of unecessary matter...

H o w. . .

2006-11-27T20:37:00.000+08:00

It would be so much easier…

if these stale emotions…

could just disappear without a word.

At the crossroads where we split our ways…

it saddens me to think that we may never meet again.

Despite adding the emotions that are lacking…

things cool off just as soon as I warm them…

but I still don’t want to believe.

Just how long am I going to brood over the same word?

How long can I ride without looking back?

How long…

*by being alone makes it a part of being who I am...

Fallen Night -the blog

2006-11-21T19:49:00.000+08:00

F allen N ight

by: Ang Pinuno

I get lost in your melody

That blows at the darkness Falling in the night

I perceive the eternity of our feelings

In our looks that Are intercrossed

While our Lives sLowly vanish

In thE wiNd of spriNg everythInG is forgiven

Under tHe rain of memories

While The stars turn and turn

Sadly contemplating our shattered dreams

*As the sun falls to the sea...ocean...mountains...and dreams...life goes on and on...because once more shall it rise...where life shall bow down to it**

In the Sky

2006-11-17T19:29:00.000+08:00

"In the Sky"

“I wanna find it” “what I’ve been searching”
The boy reaches out to the sky
He prays he’ll get it no doubt he’ll make it
All of his gods and desires

The sky above you
Is waiting for you
To take the first step and break out

*When you fly in the sky simply divine you’re dreaming
Leave your worries behind cuz’ that’s imagination
Can you feel it tonight the fire inside it’s burning
All you gotta do is break on through
To make your wishes all come true Amazing

So you might be hurting down low you’re feeling
Have faith within all be OK
That sky above you she’ll always above you
So never give up on yourself

*(repeat)

And day anytime you can reach out to the sky
Spread your wings Catch that light

Say it now, “I’m gonna be myself”

I know you’ll make it
No doubt you’ll make it
Be a little brave now it’s time to take on your dream

When you fly in the sky
You’re dreaming
Leave your worries behind cuz’ that’s imagination
Can you feel it tonight the fire inside it’s burning
All you gotta do is break on through
To make your wishes all come true Amazing

Amazing
Amazing

Para sa mga taong mahina loob...
Sa mga nangangarap...

Listen to the background music...
You'll love it...

2006-11-16T21:08:00.000+08:00

A real touching but not love story:

I was in Bicol back then while she was in Manila...
She asked me if we could do something together...
Unfortunately we were far apart...
So I told her to go outside the house and look for the moon...
After saying so, I also went outside and did the same...
And I remembered myself telling this to her:

"As long as we're doing the same thing together, we'll always be together..."

**korni ko ba?**

***I just thought it's true...***

****I still do....****

**On my way home, my heart still felt heavy...it just doesn't make sense...every step it becomes heavier and heavier...then...everything became black...

Fear Number One

2006-11-13T20:08:00.000+08:00

Why is it that I am interested in the love affairs of the others while I myself doesn't have one...the fear of feeling the problems that they feel...a cowardly way of saying, It's a good thing I didn't have any relationship...but deep inside my heart feels jealousy...I wanted to love...to be loved...but I hinder myself from having and doing so...

I grieve every time I see people holding hands...hugging...Public Display of Affection...yeah right...but in private places you'll hear quarrels and misunderstanding...it makes love more tight they say...sez who? if it does why are there break ups and annulments?

Here I go again with my pessimistic statements...but then again, It's better than being sorry...or is it?

I'm really confused right now...

What is true love? Sharing affections without asking anything back? loving without looking at any material obsession or physical attraction...a love of only emotions and affections guys...dream on....

Maybe I'm just lonely....or maybe just longing for someone...is there? you tell me...hehe...ahem...or maybe I just need a love doctor...is there such?

**I felt something bothering me one time...somehow I felt something wrong...not the usual feeling I'm having...my chest feels tight...I could clearly feel and hear the beat of my heart...I tried to seek help...I wanted to ask someone...I need a check up...there's this one girl in my mind...but her face is not clear...everything's a blur...unfortunately along the way, I felt bad...the card says at the door, the doctor is [out]...I need a remedy...I need it quick...

As I walk along the shores of love...
the waves kept pushing me back...
Suddenly everything became calm...
not knowing I'm drowning...
it's shallow...
yet hard to survive...
Ocean deep...
**

The Long Long Ride...

2006-11-08T21:40:00.000+08:00

The long long ride across the path I've chosen...
Keeping yourself to move forward...
Look beyond...
not behind...

These past few chapters of my life have been rather ironic...in a sense on how I want to live my life...iniisip ko noon na I'll always be alone and will always want to be alone...but as I see my self in the endless road taking...I cannot live alone...I always want company on my side...kept on sharing...kept on spending...to think of these life against my wants...I am happy rather than desperately pursuing what I had wanted to become...for this reason alone I would like to thank my friends...Berclimmicks...how days would pass without any of you would journey me to your endless life sharing...

I guess...

I have been part of you more than you have been a part of me...Though I desperately plan get-together meetings every saturday for the sake of not forgetting the friendship we had and how fun it has been...maybe I'm just being selfish for the true reason of these meetings...or jealous and fear of the U.B.E. with your N.F.F...Especially Francis...who already have his own group...with his endless effort of showing his love for it...through the videos and pictures taken...

Still...

I'm glad I have friends like you...If Berclimmicks didn't exist...surely...I will miss 3/4's of my life...

so...

Thank You...

And so again...

I shall venture the road still...never to look back...

Move straight...

Move on...

-How far can I ride without looking back?

Faceless Ardor

2006-08-30T20:50:00.000+08:00

There are certain part of time when a boy finds something he likes...whether it is a dream, possession, achievement, or maybe a girl...everyone finds that time yesterday, now, tomorrow, or any other day would be perfect...what I'm gonna tell you is not a sad story...or a love story...or a happy one...I couldn't even say it i a story...wondering why? read along...and you'll be longing forever...

it was any other day...because it is unlike the other...things happen knowingly and unknowingly...it was the day before new year...hours before the eve...when a fire broke out from the 2nd floor of our house...without us even noticing it until one friend of ours rushed in...panic was all around the house...as for me...I felt motionless...still we got out of the house...watching the scene of a fire swallowing our house alive...my father came...with his hair all soaked and you could still see the apron that you wear while having a haircut...he was like batman in his black cape...but couldn't do anything with the fire...the fire truck rushed into the street...and quickly dosed the flame...from vicious to kindled...I could hear other neighbors saying it's not a loss...they have insurance I'm sure...well...I wish we had...I just wish we had...

few minutes after the fire...I was busy telling my good friends that I'm okay and there's nothing to worry...suddenly a girl approached me telling,

"O parang di kayo nasunugan ah! patxttxt ka lang jan"

I didn't notice her at first...

"Dba kayo ung may ari nung bahay na nasunog?", she continued.

I was a little irritated at that time because of that question and I looked at her fiercely...then she told me that I'm snobbish and arrogant...well...she was a girl so I apologized...we talked alot after that...talk about knowing each other ironically...anyway she accompanied me all that day...just then, I looked at her...I dont know if it is what you call love at first sight..she was beautiful...my heart beats faster and faster...she gave me her number so that we could talk even when I'm inside the house...

We cleaned the house and luckily our 1st floor was spared...lucky huh...anyway...we cleaned the house full of ashes and smog...and thats the first time we all worked as a team...after cleaning the house I went outside again for some air...there I saw her again with her cousins...she told me that I look sad so she asked me to join them...and so I did...after a while we went to a store to buy some food...on our way back...we were talking and she wasn't paying attention to the things around her...suddenly a 5-star was accidentally thrown in her front without her noticing...of course being an alert and trained kind of man...hehe...saved her before it exploded...after that she thanked me and her cousins told her that I am her hero...haha...hai...I enjoyed the night as if the fire didn't happened at all...that was the greatest day of my life...still...

It was new year...I woke up reading the messages in my phone...she texted me...she was on her way back to her province...and telling me that she didn't want me to be disturbed so she didn't told me that night...days passed...and we still texted each other...we also talked in the phone...and our school foundation is fast approaching...so I invited her...and there I decided that I would ask her if I could court her...yes...I fell in love with her...real hard...I went to her province to fetch her...there I met many...hmm...obstacle I would say...hehe...her mom...tito...lola...they were all bullying me saying that could I take care of her...protect her if something happened...I was like in suspect of murder being interogated by police officers...phew...it was the longest hour of my life...and I managed to find myself not guilty! hehe...anyway...while we were in the bus...i felt so weary after that interogation...i leaned in her shoulder and fell asleep...when I woked up she told me that people were staring at us and telling we were a lovely couple...man, I was so ashamed that time...but still had the time to laugh about it...and the more I fell in love with her...again....

We went to my school to watch a concert...with a chaperon...tama ba?...anyway... I saw the school garden full of tiny lights...its like a star swaying with the trees...there I would tell her...I told myself...It became harder for me to tell her how I feel...my classmate saw me with her and many liked her...because she as beautiful...I felt a little jelous...telling inside my mind that, back off! she's mine...but I just smiled at them...hai...the concert was lame and soooooooo boring...so we didn't finish it...we were walking along the kiddy rides that the school presented...and we noticed that many people also left the concert...my friends knew what I was planning that time...so they distracted our chaperon...tnks guys!...and so I asked her if we could walked around...alone...we were on our way to the garden...and great...the lights are already closed!...talked about plan against time...so...we were on our way back...there I pulled her hand and told her that I wanna ask something...

Ano un? she asked...

I was so blank...I dont know how to start...I could even say the first word of what I'm gonna ask! argh....

Uhm...pe....pe....pede...., I nervously started to speak...

ano nga un?

pede...pede ba....pede ba...ki...kitang..., I continued...

she was a little irritated because she cannot the understand what I was saying...and she started to walk back to where my friends are...that time I pulled her hands again and looked straight to her eyes...all became weird...its like a slowmo...something you see in a romantic movie...and there I told her,

Uh...pede ba...kitang...ligawan?

there! i said it! phew! all that scene just for that line...she looked at me for quite a while and asked me...

"sure ka ba?"

"oo naman!" I answered...

"bakit?", a one word question that riddled many answers...

"eh d naman kailangan ng rason para mahalin ka eh...", I answered back...

"Bakit nga?"...she was longing for a real answer...well that was my real answer...but I know she wouldn't listen...

"Maganda ka...matalino...magaling sa sports...magaling sa musical instruments...mabait...at pinapasaya mo ako..."...that alone says it all...she was a perfect girl that I didn't even dreamed off...she smiled at me and told me,

"oo naman"

silence conquered the scene...and it said it all...I was so happy...and hurried back...my friends knew...and we were happy...sorry...d ko madescribe sa ibang paraan eh...hehe...days passed again...I vist her everytime I am free...though it was a long way...I knew it would be worth it...

it was valentines day...I wanted to suprise her...I texted her that I'm alone...and gonna stay in the house after school...I went to the faculty room...there I snatched 5 balloons from the tables of my teachers...hahaha...at least may effort!...anyway...I was so mad arguing with the guard in lrt...he told me I couldn't go in unless I leave the balloons...so I loosed the air of the balloon and put it in my bag...another flaw to my plan is I don't know her address...so I searched for it all afternoon...it was dark when I reached their place...grr...it was as if things really doesnt want to go in my way...argh...anyway...I saw her alone...cooking...and I sang...yeah yeah...nakakahiya...err...she was more shocked than suprised! hahaha...my hidden talent...should still be hidden forever! hehe...all i could give her is only one balloon...btw...its shape is heart...back to the story...I wrote in the heart, "This is my heart...and I'm giving it all to you"...romantic ba? hehe...she was so happy I could tell...even though I couldn't give her expensive and fancy stuff...I make sure what I give to her is priceless...beyond all things man could afford...I was about to go home...she told me that I should give her a goodbye kiss...so I did...in her chick...and so I also told her to give me a goodbye kiss to...and she did...more than what I've done...parang ako pa ung babae tuloy...phew...it was all worth it...really worth it!!

-----------------------

uh...d ko na itutuloy...medyo sumakit dibdib ko ule...hai...nagpost ako sa wala...anyway...maybe next time...matutuloy ko na...i hope...sorry...hindi ko iisipin na magsultat kung d namin pinag-usapan ang isang bagay...tnks to Bambi and Francis! err...

Its an easy life out here...

2006-08-16T10:58:00.000+08:00

the title of this post doesn't take part in a positive way of living...midterm week has just passed and I got my results...I was always ranked in the top 5 in the highest scores in all subject...well...except in Stats...Y_Y...anyway...my surfing the internet, dota, watching tv, eating, and sleeping has finally paid off! talk about challenges...I didn't study during that week...still relying in my greatest kind of knowledge...the STOCK!

i feel so down...

i think of my current school teaches me old stuff...the high school stuff...compared to what I hear from Addi and Francis...they endure the hardships of a real college student...while I'm here in my bed of roses...enjoying the vanities of technology...

then again...I should be happy...of course I would prefer relaxing rather than studying...sooner of later I would experience much hardship than those of my friends...and when that happens...

HELP ME!!!

The Lion inside a Knight

2006-07-28T09:33:00.000+08:00

from the tittle itself tells you what I feel...maybe not for some...hehe...anyway...its been two months since I've been transfered to Letran...it feels like forever...everywhere I searched for the scourging red...but all I see is lifeless blue...maybe thats why I lost my inspiration to continue my story...the traveller inside me lost its will to move on...to carry on...to reach my goal...all day long I'd be sitting in my usual chair in the class...alone...searching for the heat of blazing red that was once in my veins...maybe it's still there...only kindled...how I missed those days when I feel I am myself...unbounded by the color RED...WHITE...well all things has its end...

I refuse....

I'm still a Bedan...

Once a Bedan, always a Bedan...

I'm now....

The Red Lion Knight

...

Chapter 5: Tradition Bounded By Festivals

2006-06-21T15:59:00.000+08:00

Moving on, I reached the next town. To my suprise, the bored looking man at the entrance became excited to see me. The people started to ring the bell to tell townspeople that a traveller came just like the prophecy revealed to them. As I enter the town, the townspeople wearing masks of different animals put on a festival for me. Singing and dancing, they told me that this festival is to celebrate the coming of the prophesized alchemist told by another alchemist that saved this town many years ago. I was enjoying the atmosphere as they performed but less inclined to join them. As I depart the town, the townspeople take off their animal masks and return to their normal lives.

A short while along the road, I've come across a hermit and his family living at a small cabin. The hermit told me the explanation for the town I just left and the Animal Mask festival. The festival was made on the spot for my benefit...it was the way of the town to invent traditions in order to maintain or reject them based on the reactions of the travellers that come by. But in your case...it was all true...part of the so called prophecy that Trismegistos told.

Who is this Trismigistos?! Where can I find him?! Tell me!

Many generations ago, the town was under the Mayor's power who banned all their old traditions. This left them with no tradition of their own. One day an old alchemist came to that town and on the next day the Mayor was no more to be seen. The people heard that it was the work of the Alchemist. They all ran to him and asked what to do...He told them that just like alchemy, they could create another beginning for that town...he also told the coming of another alchemist...after that he left. The people didn't understand what the alchemist really tried to say...and so they thought that they should invent their own festival...festival over another...and so it became their tradition without realizing it...and when they do...their real tradition is long gone...no more..."

What does it have to do with Trimigistos?! Tell me who he is?!

Take this piece...and leave...the answer you seek is waiting for you...till then...another question will come a new...another path shall be visible along the way..."

After taking the piece, the hermit slowly went back to his cabin. His wife was smiling at me...his son was crying...and his daughter has a deep look telling me that my journey is not yet beginning...

Chapter 4: The Tome of Trismegistos

2006-06-20T19:24:00.000+08:00

My latest stop was in the Praedico , a large town dedicated to interpreting and following the Book of The Tome of Trismegistos. It is a tome that came from an old alchemist years ago. According to the interpretation of the tome, the world will end on the next day, right in the middle of my stay.

This old Alchemist...its him again...who in the alchemist world is he...I must be on the right track for the piece...I have to be...

All of the town's inhabitants are sure that the prophecy on this world will happen tomorrow. They were so certain that they offered me goods and services for free...talk about right timing. After doing some shopping, I noticed a crowd gathering around a strange old man. It was the priest of town's Southern Temple. He was explaining how the end of the world would come to be as he deciphered the text. Surely the people are hanging onto their every word, but for me, the worst part of the end of the world is the great prices.

Back at the hotel, I talked to the girl in charge where to find the tome of Trismegistos. He told me that the priest before is holding onto it. So I headed to the Southern temple...along the way...the people are all inside their house...I hear chants...prayers...others were crying. Finally, I reached the temple...as I started to come close to the door...I heard someone saying:

"I was waiting for you..."

It was the priest...he was....waiting for me?...what does that mean?

"The old alchemist...it told me that another alchemist would come...and when that time comes tell the people that the end of the world will come eventually so that he could have all the things he need...after that he will come to you...give the stone along this tome...and let him be the one to hold the burden of the world...to decide for what's best for mankind."

Burden? what?....

"Who is this old alchemist?! Tell me? Do you know anything about the Philia Sophia?! Tell me?!"

"I have nothing more to say...the tome...shall it answer it all? It all depends on you...take this tome...this piece....and leave..."

After acquiring both the piece and the tome the priest slowly vanished...hearing his last words:

"I am only one of the character given life by the stone...harnessing the power of the different elements that bind this world...Trismegistos...find him..."

Questions rattled to my mind...

This priest...

is he not a person that really lived?!

Elements...

that made the world...

Trismegistos...

Who is he?!

Whoever he is...

I have to find him...

I will find him!

Soon after, I left the town...after the free shopping I've done...I really have to go!!!

Chapter 3: Choosing Life Over Another...

2006-06-13T17:42:00.000+08:00

After harnessing the heat of the desert...town after another...I now travel through the shivering winter snow. There I met three merchants of jewels and stone...trapped in the wilderness ever since their horses died in the snow. With no food under the coldness of the winter, they were dying...slowly...it comes across my mind once again...the Land of Slow Annihilation. I myself doesn't have enough supplies to keep me up, I decided to save them by hunting...it shouldn't be hard...after all...I'm in the wilderness.

With the end of winter in sight, animals became active...I was able to hunt down three rabbits...it should be enough to save their own. I have to take the life of these innocent beings just to save another...it's like alchemy...gain some...lose some. I just hope those lives of the merchants are worth it...still...I feel sorry...it started to haunt me down...

in my journey...

the path I've chosen...

sacrifices...

are

inevitable...

These merchants are hungry enough to want the rabbits to be eaten raw...sheez...still I insisted on cooking it...I made them a rabbit stew and some tea. The merchant wanted to give me a reward...or so called payment for saving their lives...I was hesitant of course...but as the man reached out from his belongings...it was the piece...the piece of the Philia Sophia...I cannot hesitate...it was part of my cause...I have to have it...and...I got it...still...was it all....worth it?

The merchants told their story...why they were trapped in the wilderness in the first place. It wasn't really snowing in the wilderness at this time of season...it was fall after all... They have come across an old man...he was an alchemist, he added...he was asking for some food...and bound to our greed...we didn't gave him some...after some time of travelling...snow started to fall...along with strong wind...we heard a voice....

"Man are bound by greed...

It doesn't matter what or why...

Giving has no reason to give...

Sharing has no doubts to think...

Man think as their blood flows...

Man are bound to everything...

Taking possession of things in sight...

Man doesn't learn...

Man should die...

The only solution to peace...

Is the destruction of Man...

die....

die...

die..."

The old alchemist...just like before...who is he...he must know something about the stone...he has to know...

Feeling the sense of fulfillment, I decided to leave and continue my journey. After packing my things, I looked in the direction where the merchants were to say goodbye...they were gone...a rushing wind started to blow...it revealed the bones of three merchant...long gone...long dead...it was a tale over choosing life over another...

As I walked away, I take one last look at the bones of the merchants, and the skins of the rabbits, in the end, lost their live for greed...and for nothing. I cannot help but to wonder what I would do next time I have to choose one life over another...for now...I have no answer to that question...

Chapter 2: Land of Slow Annihilation

2006-06-13T14:17:00.000+08:00

In the middle of the desert, filled of exhaustion and frailness...I barely have enough strength to carry on. One part of me suggest to give up and return home...to the land...never to forget...never...but I will not give up...I made up my mind...I will carry on...

Sometime later, I was well into my journey, and was heading towards a new country with the aid of an old map given to me by the old geezer...unfortunately, the map appears to be old and inaccurate...suits his age...there is a cliff along the way that wasn't in the chart...darn him...having a hunch that the town is just across...I had to find another route.

As I continue my way, I was suprised to the land itself shifting and changing around...the map was correct after all...apologies to the old geezer...it was just that the topography changed in the intervening weeks. As a path opens up, I was able to make it to the next town.

It was a busy town...yet not a human in sight. Machines run everything...from restaurants to hotels...cheap price...now thats new. After a satisfying meal, I rented a suprisingly large and luxurious hotel room, where I used the evening to study the mysteries of the Philia Sophia and practice alchemy.

The next day, I decided to explore this strange...empty country...now I doubt that the piece of Philia Sophia can be found here. Still no sign of people...the more I was losing hope...but after looking around a little, I discovered that there are people living here. However, everyone is staying close to their homes...alone? no families...

It was late...I still haven't found the piece...I decided to go back to the hotel...I wasn't able to sleep very well...thinking the mysteries of the town...

I have to find out....

this town....

its mystery...

accompanied to the piece...

On my final day of my stay, I walked out to an outskirt, known as the Periphery, the place where I saw the people. As I walked past the houses, the people all run and hide as soon as they see me. Finally, one girl overcomes her intial shock and returns to speak to me. She realized that I cannot read her thought, she became more welcoming and invited me for I drink..."too bad I dont drink," I told her.

The girl explains that this country is known as Land of Slow Annihilation, and proceeds to fill me in on how this place came to be. Years agao, this place was a prosperous place, far prosperous...people living together filled with greed and thirst for more prosperity along with their advanced machines that handled day to day chores. An old alchemist came to this town and manifested great things through alchemy. And on the day he left, he created a special liquid stimulating previously unused portion of the brain, giving those who drank it telepathic powers...the desire for such...made us lose a lot...we lost the inadequacy of verbal communication in expressing one's true feelings...in short...we cannot love...we are bounded by negative thoughts...we couldn't have our peace. There was only one solution...to be kept in solitude and seclusion, each of us could have peace and quiet. Thanks to the machines life was never hard...however with everyone living apart...no children can be born...this town will die...slowly...but surely...

Having heard her story, I knew that it was time to depart. The girl tried to convince me to stay...but I have my own cause to leave...I have to leave...to continue my path. The girl reached out her hand...I saw....the piece...the crimson piece....

"to the man who has his cause...may this piece guide you to safety," she slowly said.

And on my way...I felt I heard something on my mind...

"be safe...never to forget..."

To which I mentally replied that she shouldn't worry about me. Although I cannot be sure...I hoped that she got my message....

Chapter 1: The Path Against My Will

2006-06-12T18:41:00.000+08:00

Finally, after all this years of searching...the hunt is about to end. I've sacrificed half of my life for a cause. Finding the 28 piece of the stone...the stone...the stone that started it all. Only God knows what this stone could do. As I ran towards the room foretold by dreams...I am eager more than ever...yet...there's this doubt...slowly...slowing me down...questions filling in my mind...draining the will inside the heart...

Why....

Why...

Why did I chose this path...?

What...

What is my reason...?

This path...

to the crimson stone...

the Philia Sophia...

the path against my will...

Prologue: Greatest Law of Alchemy

2006-06-09T16:42:00.000+08:00

From the of book of Genesis states God created this world, only Him. Possessing the power of creation in exchange of no value. Man is created with such, but doesn't have such. Man are natural rebels. They live in a nature of reformation...having the thirst for anything beyond their reach...the thirst for being God. From these instinct of man was the birth of Alchemy. The path for being god but far from being one. Humankind cannot gain anything without giving equal value...the law that sets the barrier from Man to God...the greatest law of Alchemy.

2006-06-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

Ramch is now the..................

Traveling Alchemist

my world...

my story...

the path i've chosen...

Chapter I: A Start of a Journey...

2006-04-26T13:33:00.000+08:00

As I walk my first...

Everythings changes...

Step by step...

All differs...

Still...

I'm still me...

Still going...

going...

So boring...it just makes me feel to wonder...to gaze at the sky...to feel the cold breeze...unfortunately it's blazing hot outside...all alone inside the house...like in prison...gasping for air...time to step up...wake up...there's a new day to start...

so boring...

yawn...

boring...

Ramch, the TRAVELER...

2006-02-25T14:12:00.000+08:00

Ramch....

"why do you have to choose paths in such journey..."

"you know..

sometimes travelers also journey through their minds..."

dont you find yourself lost in your mind...thinking you cannot come out of it alive...you find yourself uncertain of things you want to do...to change...to make...great things can be achieve through hard thinking...doing...making...yet...sometimes...giving enough is not enough...and to the point that doing everything is only accomplishing half the task you've meant to do...life isnt fair...life is complicating....life is not life as we all know it...because if it is...it isnt living...its dreaming...guys, girls, friends, family, love ones...they are pieces of puzzle that creates you and your world...i am Ramch...the traveler of minds and heart...harnessing my way in finding the truth...truth that sets one free...that dominates both self and others...conquering the far reaches that mind that set through...i am Ramch, the adventurer of people within the reach of my mind and heart that conquers...still conquering...still being a part of life that struggles within you...yes, i am Ramch, a part of you...as long as im alive...i still own you...conquer you...simply because im part of you...and so are you, a part of me...Ramch...Ramch..."why do you have to choose paths in such journey..." the journey in choosing between mind and hear..."you know..sometimes travelers also journey through their minds..." a travelers never miss his way back...travelling the mind to find his way to the heart...

Ramch...

"may i come with you to your journey?"

"no...travelers are better off alone..."

"you have your own jouney to path through...

"you have your own answer to question...."

-Ramch

the Traveler...

A call to life....

2006-01-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

Things happen...

Oppurtunity knocks....

Once...

Twice...

But not always...

Destiny abides....

But let me just say this one piece of advice....

And that's to live your life...

To the fullest...

For more...

Not less...

Life, my friend, is not a journey...not an adventure...not a game...never a gamble...life gives us choices...some can be repeated...some are permanent...life offers oppurtunity such as career...friends...experience...and love...all life has its purpose...and that's to live according to the choices that we make...perfecture is never a choice given by life...because all of us does mistakes...for it makes life worth living, dont you think? Imagine a world of perfecture...no mistakes...always in glory...always successful...but it doesn't make sense isn't it...I'd rather suffer than to be perfect...because perfecture doesn't bring happiness...it brings boredom...thus loses the purpose of living...have you wondered why God created man? He's perfect, yes, and that's the reason why he created us...being perfect is to be alone...do I make sense? Just tell me ok, in my tag board..hehe...anyway...what I'm saying is mistakes takes us to happiness...it teaches us that the answer to everything is making a mistake...everyone makes mistakes...because they want to be happy...they follow what they want...they follow their heart...and that's the advice I'm talking about..."follow your heart"...simple...but true....

Amazing Race!

2005-11-13T11:32:00.000+08:00

ngaun na lang uli ako nagpost...after...hmm...forgotten date? hehe...niway...i wud just like to share my experience in the amazing race dat iv participated...here it goes:

time: 12:00nn

place: San Beda

there were 4 group, composed of 4 members each...our first task was to complete the puzzle set of the princess cartoon character (forgot her name)...next to that task is the pasahan ng calamansi, kamatis and polo (candy) using a spoon...got the idea?

time: 12:20nn

place: Baste, sa may sakayan papuntang SM Manila

our next destination is SM Manila...pupunta kaming Quantum...because the clue says that it is a place comprised with arcade, shooting and videoke...aniway...we rushed to baste...unfortunately for us...the other grouped got the first jeep...and went off first in SM...

time: 12:35nn

place: SM Manila

just a we dropped to SM...we run off to the quantum...unfortunately again...we were banned by the security guards at the entrance due to misconception...grabe..mukha ba kaming kriminal?...well...tumatakbo kac kami eh...kala hinahabol kami ng mga pulis...our guide talked to the guards and allowed us to proceed...pero along the way ule...kac tumatakbo nga kami...RACE nga kac...hinila na naman ung isa kong kagroup ng guard...kala kac hinahabol uli kami and we're causing a threat daw sa mga customers...the guide talked to the guard again...and the guard once again...allowed us to proceed...may balat ata isa sa amin ah...hehe...

time: 1:00pm

place: Quantum

we're so tired of running and many distractions...there, we are asked to find an JPIA officer dressed in a red and white shirt...yey...we found her after 5 long minutes...hehe...she gave us 2 tasks...first...(hardest one)...we are asked to sing one song from the videoke...either in the room...or in the stage...haha...we became an instant celebrity in the quantum...hai grabeng kahihiyan...nakisingit pa kami sa mga taong kumakanta..and was watched by the customers in quantum...tawa cla ng tawa...tae cla...second task was an easy one...we were asked to shoot 20 balls or acquire 40 points in the basketball shoot out...yawn...sisiw...hehe

time: 1:30pm

place: SM Super Market

after the Quantum Challenge...we were asked to proceed to SM Super Market...there our skills in being a Mom is tested...haha...we were given only one task..to purchase an exact amount of 50 peso item...easier said than done...it took us around 15 mins just to find one...damn centavos...hehe...after that challenge..we are asked to proceed to Mendiola...

time: 2:10pm

place: Mendiola Area

our task was to interview 4 students coming from La Co, CEU, Holy Spirit, and Beda...we are asked to ask them their name, favorite cartoon character, food, color, teacher, and pinoy big brother character...well now..all of them answered Nene as their favorite...phew...after all that running...we rushed back to San Beda for the final task...i wonder what it wud be?

time: 2:40pm

place: San Beda College (St. Maurs)

as we rushed to the St. Maurs hall...we saw a chair...sitting in that chair are eggs? and as we are asked to eat each...well thats an easy final task...as i cracked the egg...i suddenly stopped...with disgust...it was BALOT?! my Gudness...i never imagined myself eating such...hala?!!!! well...im a man...bat naman ako mandidiring kainin yan...*gulp...i swallowed the Balot in one piece...nginuya ng nginuya...as in naluluha na ako...kac theres a disgusting feeling..ewan ku ba..everytime na linulunok ko...nasusuka ako...hala...as in luha na ng luha mata ko...pati uhog ko lumalabas (eyeuww!) hehe...im in the point na im gonna vomit...pero...sumhow...biglang nwala...nalunok ko cya..and d na aku nandiri...baka kac binigla ko lang sarili ko sa pagswallow ng buo..pero..hai...first time...sabi nila masaya...d naman eh...naiyak nga ako eh...hehe...well we placed 3rd...haha...at least d kulelat! hehe

well thats the end of my amazing race version...it was fun...it was really fun...one of the experience ill never forget! hehe! go Ramch! go JPIA! JPIAstig!!! :D

GAC! the Greatest Accounting Class...

2005-10-17T20:16:00.000+08:00

First time in the history
Of the Department of Accountancy
A 7th section was added
And was named after the 7th letter of the alphabet.

GAC may stand for anything
From Gothic to Gallivanting.
But to us it will only mean one thing
Something you'll learn by the time you reach the poem's ending.

Unique personalities combined
Something that's rare & hard to find.
Hilarious are erwin's punchlines
Sarah & Leo's tardiness with a record breaking 50 times.

JV's infinite singing
is nothing compared to Jacky's voice booming.
Next are epoy, may and monet
Who all form the Power Rangers when combined with Sheilla & Willete.

Studying is what Golda will always be busy with
While Mark and Gerald continue dancing to the music's beat.
Ramch sitting in the corner sleeping
While Sheryl mimicks his "No" & busy with the paluwagan collecting.

Cindy & Keith form the twin towers
Ben, during aerobics, uses his powers.
He together with Chris won the Quiz Bee in earhsci
With Sweet singing aloud and reaching notes that are oh so high.

Che's eating breakfast during the first period of the class
'til Wyona ate her fries super fast.
Mao's at the door calling the attention of everybody
"Presenting Knelwein as Jollibee!!"

Wein will just laugh heartily
But together with JR, they're actually planning revenge secretly.
Stefan enters the room ds tym as a rockstar
Wyl Jayson & Rkie just came in, dressed in pepba attire.

Meyn, Jayjay & gener have one thing in common,
All were victims of a holdupper who took their phone.
Rich uses his hanky as a corporate tie,
Ralph got sprained & raised his foot very high.

Hassanal eats the chicken he got from jade valley
Wyl Tricia asks the prof her Question #40.
Soon enough the iregs arrived
& at the back, the athletes cheerfuly hived.

Camille looks for the patty in her burger
While Zara reads her Filipino reviewer.
Philip's sitted in his place,
Elaine & Cat,avoiding Ms Pudence's gaze.

Our fil iregs are always late,
While Paolo's again stuck in the LRT, one thing he truly hates.
Soon enough, Darling enters and sits beside Vic, frowning,
Guilty as charged for not bringing the records and minutes of the
meeting.

Different experiences,
plus unique personalities of the dfiferent faces
All of these make us stand out from the rest,
For the "G" in GAC, WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER MEAN GREATEST.
_________________________________________________________________
hai...it was fun...i just wished it never last...

Favorites!

2005-08-23T21:35:00.000+08:00

1. Favourite colour : light blue
2. Favourite month: March
3. Favourite day : Saturday
4. Favourite zodiac : Aries
5. Favourite alphabet: R A M O N C H R I S T I L gets y? hehe...
6. Favourite number : 28
7. Favourite subject : English andFilipino
8. Most favourite planet : saturn
9. Most favourite season : srping :D
11. Favourite teacher: Ms. Heger, Mam Tiu, Sir Reyes, Mam Coronado
12. Most favourite fruit : strawberry
13. Most favourite TV channel/s : kahit ano basta may sense
14. Most favourite time: DOTA time! hehe joke...hmm...when im with my Berclimmicks!
15. Favourite name : Ramch...cno bang hindi! :D hahaha
16. Favourite Computer Game: DOTA, HERO SIEGE!
17. Favourite Tea : Lemon and Apple tea.. ung sa C2 hahaha!
18. Favourite Country : Philippines! Byahe na!
19. Favourite Song : hmm...anything that makes me sleep! mostly senti musics
20. Favourite Singer : Ramch
21. Favourite Language : Filipino and English...limot ko na Fukien at Mandarin eh...
22. Favourite Sports : Soccer...though not much know how to play...chess...
23. Favourite Ice cream Flavour : Strawberry
24. Favourite Fast food restaurant : Jollibee, tropical, Chowking, tokyo2x, Chef Angelo...etc...
25. Favourite pen : panda, pilot...hehe..
26. Favourite Font : trebuchet MS
27. Favourite Animal : Dog and Wolf
28. Favourite Cartoon/s : johnny bravo!
29. Favourite Movies : Almighty Bruce
30. Favourite Male actor: hmm...definitely Ramch
31. Favourite Female Actress : hmm...my mom...wahaha
32. Favorite Books : no such thing...(literally!)
33. Favourite Band: wala....Berclimmicks! :D

Remember High School...

2005-08-20T07:44:00.000+08:00

remember the days when you where in your high school uniform...

remember the days when you always have wake up very early in the morning...

remember the days when you're always late...

remember the days when have you're everyday assembly...

remember the days when you text your friends while the class is going on...

remember the days when you sleep while the class is going on...

remember the days when your quiz becomes a seatwork where you get and share your answers to the others...

remember the days when your homework becomes a schoolwork...

remember the days when projects are only made the day before the deadline...

remember the days when we are called certified CRAMMERS...

remember the days when we wait for reccess, lunch time, and dismissal to meet our friends from the other sections...

remember the days when we go directly to the computer shop after class and go home 6-8pm...

remember the days when we prepare ourselves from extra-curricular activities...

remember the days when sections clashes for the intrams...

remember the convocation day where the best section is presented...

remember the days when share the answers of our quiz to our friends in the other sections...

remember the days when life for us is at its peak...

remember the days when we wished that High School life would never end...

remember the days when we wished we'll never be apart from our friends...

remember the day when we marched to end the life that we always wanted...

remember the day when we bid ourselves goodbye...

for High School life is over...

Remember High School...

Cherish the memories...

It happens only 4 years of our life span...

It already ended...

But we remember...

we believe...

ANG MGA BABAE TALAGA OO

2005-08-05T20:35:00.000+08:00

nabasa ko lang yan...batobato sa langit...sana walang tamaan...para walang magalit! hehehe!

__________________________________________________________

gabe. usapang lalake**sindi ng yosi**hithit**buga*Musta na, pare? Ako, okay lang. Eto. Nagmumuni-muni. Nag-iisip.Minsan talaga may mga bagay na hindi komaintindihan. Ewan ko ba.*hinga ng malalim*Bakit ba ganun pare, ilang beses ko napinag-aralan pero lagi na langlumalabas na parang kahit 'sang anggulo motingnan, hindi nagigingpatas para sa mga lalake ang ilang bagaypagdating sa pagmamahal.*tingin sa stars*Minsan naiisip ko, alam kaya ng mga babae anghirap ng lalake na gumawa ng first move para magtapat ng pagmamahal? E yung hirap na dinadaanan sa panliligaw at pagsuyo sa mahal nya? Ang feeling ng masaktan pag nabasted? Malamang-lamang siguro, hindi ano. Wala naman yata silang alam sa mga paghihirap naten e. Ang alam lang ata nila e mamili, manakit, at magsaya. Tingin mo?*tingin sa malayo*Lagi naman ganun. Una pa lang, lalake na ang naghihirap. Hassle saten ang panliligaw pero bago pa yun, kung ano pang diskarte ang gagawin naten para masabi naten sa kanila na mahal natin sila. Alam kaya nila yun? Mahirap magsabi na mahal mo na yung babae,diba? Tapos liligawan pa naten. Patutunayan na mahal nga sila.Susuyuin to-the-max.Maghahatid sa bahay, tutulungan, sasabayan,palalamunin, pagtyatyagaan, lahat na. Kulang na lang e pagsilbihan mo ng walang sahod. At ano ang kapalit? Well, depende sa trip nila. Oo tol, sa trip lang nila. Wala silang pake kesehodang mahal natin talaga sila.Basta ang alam nila, pag di nila tayo trip,sang malaking HINDE ang makukuha naten, kahit umiyak pa tayo ng dugoo lumuhod sa mga asing buu-buo. Para lang silang namimili ng damit nadi man lang sinusukat bago ayawan. Kaya kahit mahal na mahal na mahalna mahal natin, sorry tayo. Hindi nila alam kung mahal mo sila.Kailangan mong maabot angkanilang mga standards o uuwi ka lang na bad trip, iiling-iling, at minsan, luhaan. Wala tayong magagawa, marami silang alibi."Hindi pa 'ko ready eh..","Sorry pero I think we should just be friends..", "Ha? Uhhmm..nagpapatawa ka ba? Hahahaha.." "Better luck next time na lang muna, okay lang?", "Give me a decade. Pag-iisipan ko muna..", "Para lang kitang kapatid e..", yaddah yaddah. Isang malaking pagsasaklob ng langit at lupa 'yon para saten.*kuha ng bote ng beer**lagok**lunok*At hindi lang 'yon tol. Sa pre-relationship stage pa lang yon. Pag sinagot na nila tayo, satin pa rin ang hassle.Tayo daw ang mga lalake kaya tayo ang hahawak ng relasyon. Tayo ang aayos kung may gulo; tayo ang dapat magpapakabait; tayo ang magtyatyaga; tayo ang magiging devoted at faithful; tayo, tayo tayo.Sila? Ummm? Teka, isipin ko.Ayun. Sila ang magsasabi kung anong oras kayodapat magmeet; sila ang magtetext ng mga mushy at kabalbalang texts; sila ang magdedemandsayo ng kung anu-ano; sila ang magbabawal; sila ang magsasabi kung kelan ka dapat mag-shave, kung kelan ka pwedeng tumawag sa bahay nila, kung kelan sila di dapat bad tripin dahil meron sila, at kung kelan ka korni. Ewan. Ganun ata talaga.*kuha ng bote ng beer**lagok**lunok*Hindi pa yun tapos pare, dahil dapat tayo angbahala kung ano ang magiging takbo ng relasyon. Pag maganda, edi okay. Pag may problema, kasalanan naten. Haay buhay. Minsan talaga kungtutuusin sakit sila ng ulo. Kaya lang mahal naten kaya di na natininiintindi yun.*hinga ng malalim*Pero alam mo tol, feeling ko mas sincere pa tayomagmahal sa kanila. Alam mo yun, iba tayo magmahal e. Hindi lang parang laru-laro lang. Seryoso. At kung magmahal man tayo,lubus-lubusan. Mas mature. Hindi yung parang pambata lang gaya nila na kesyo magseselos-selos, iiyak-iyak, iina-inarte, dadradrama, at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi lang kababawan. Ka-mushyhan. Kababaihan. Iba tayo pag nagmahal.*hinga ng malalim**tingin sa malayo ulit*At ito pa ang pinakamasaklap.*singhot*Ang ending ng relasyon. Sa mga panahong 'to, either sawa na sila, hindi na tayo trip, may nahanap na silang better saten, o kaya theyneed f*cking space and time muna. Bad trip no? Wala na naman tayong choice. Sila ang masusunod.At ano pa ang kasamang hassle don? Syempre wasak na ang imahe naten.Tayo ang lalabas na may kasalanan. Na playboy. Na nagpapaiyak. *iiling*Tayo siyempre ang mga antagonist at sila yungmga bidang inaapi at parang mga pusang iiyak-iyak. Ang ending: mag-o-offer sila ng "friendship" kuno matapos tayong pagsawaan,lahat ng gifts naten nasa kanila, sawi tayo sa pag-ibig, "player" na angimage naten, at higit sa lahat, mag-iisip kung papaano ipagpapatuloy ang buhay. Maiiwan tayong tulala, mag-iisip kung saan nagkamali,mamomroblema sa pag-aadjust sa pagiging single, at di na naman makakatulog.Haay buhay. Ang hirap maging lalake. Lagi ka na lang naiiwan sa ere.Ano? Hindi ka na nagsalita? In-love ka no?Ako, kamusta? Eto. Yoyosi-yosi.Bubuntong-buntong hininga.Titingin-tingin sa bituin. Mumuni-muni.Lalagok-lagok ng alak.Ang mga babae talaga, oo.

Ala eh kahirap maging batch rep!

2005-07-26T17:19:00.000+08:00

wala lang...im here in JPIA office...my office...heheh joke...anyway...kanina pa ako dito nagbabantay ng office while other officers are in their class...tuwing may papasok naman sasabihin; "Batch Rep pakigawa naman ako ng ppt ng calendar of activities", o kaya "Batch Rep pakitype naman ng memo na toh" and many more...kasali ba toh sa responsibilities ko? hehe...pero ok lang..im having fun naman eh...kesa naman nasa bahay ako nakatunganga...talk about studying...hehe...shox...5:35pm na...d pa ako umuuwi...T_T....tapos pagkauwi ko naman...gagawa pa ako ng reviewer ng 2 kong kapatid...wala pa akong tulog...nakauwi na ako kanina from Bicol ng 5am...tapos ligo agad...kac may pasok pa ako...how hard it is to be Ramch...pero like what i've said awhile ago...im having fun naman eh! hehehe...kaya ko toh! Go batch rep! at sa president ng GAC na d umatend sa batch council meeting kanina...nagmamaganda ka na naman! hehehe...pero sana next time...till then...ramch alone once again sa office ng JPIA...T_T

Appear...Disappear...

2005-07-18T13:48:00.000+08:00

ba't ganun ang buhay...kung cn0 pa ang mga mahal m0...malapet sa pus0 m0...cla pa ang madalas nawawala sa'yo...hawak m0 na cla...per0...they slip away fr0m ur hands....kahit an0ng higpit ng yakap mo...they slip away fr0m ur arms...kahit an0ng hab0l mo sa kanila...they just tend to go away...sa mga gano0ng p0int...i hated myself...i cursed myself...i just d0...i just really d0...i hate myself for being powerless...i curse myself for not able to do anything ab0ut it...nasa harap k0 na...per0...wala ak0 talagang magawa...they said..."that's life"...the hell with them...i lived to be with my love ones...as much as possible...i'll do anything for them...they are my priority...never myself...even if it kills me...it's ok...bc0z i'm m0re satisfied with my life with that...for me...my life is never a waste...it was w0rth it...right n0w...everytym nasa bahay ak0...i feel i'm al0ne...well i am...per0...i find tym to think of everyone...why will you think that ur al0ne...if y0ur love ones is always in y0ur heart...even if they disappear...still they remain...sana ak0 din sa iny0...d0nt f0rget...never d0...nandit0 lang ak0...takbuhan pag may pr0blema...you can lean on my sh0ulder...you can cry...i'll wrap my arms ar0und y0u...and when y0u l0ok up...i'll be smiling...s0 you should too...i'll be your friend...forever...till end!!!

To love someone...To be love by someone...

2005-07-11T07:52:00.000+08:00

We really d0n’t fall in and out of l0ve... l0ve is always there it just needs to be tapped in order f0r it to bloss0m...we may never find our s0ul mate in this lifetime but who kn0ws? he or she maybe just beside you waiting...s0mething t0 share...why hold some0ne back...when u kn0w u d0n't l0ve them...why keep them to y0urself... when u kn0w y0u w0n't wanna have them? why let them miss other chances...when they can have them? if you really don't l0ve some0ne....let them go...hurt them n0w...n0t later...for a l0nger relationship builds stronger em0tions... a g0od relati0nship isn't a game y0u play or an eg0trip y0u take...it is about love and tw0 people...loving someone can give us the greatest joy we can ever know and it can hurt more than we can believe too...when it does not really hurt when that person did something disappointing to you, but really hurts when you see that person in pain and sadness, then you know you truly love that person. Loving someone means you should be ready to experience heartache and happiness at the same time...that's the reward and that's the risk...unless we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it's like to love and be loved...sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can ever have...and there's a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone...it's the difference between a love that's fickle, wild and short-lived and one that's tender and passionate, nurturing and lasts a long time... the first is easy... the second, the one that really matters to all of us, takes work because it's about keeping a relationship...loving someone takes efforts...we have to be able to communicate with each other...nobody can read anyone else's mind...we always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel...maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense each other's thoughts but it's never perfect and takes time to develop...getting the chance to love and be loved by someone is blessed...respect him or her for who he or she is, and not what you want him orher to be...everyone is pretty and special in his or her own special way...no one is perfect...it is true love which closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other...true love sees and accepts a person for who he or she is...it is also true love which makes a person change for the better...the power of true love to a person is undeniable...a relationship needs commitments too...what is love without commitments from each other anyway? It's like principles and values...everyone has them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them...the same goes for our commitments to relationships,and the person we love..."love is like an antique vase...it's hard to find...hard to net...but easy to break..." Every day everywhere, people fall in love ... but just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love? I know hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I love you"...but more often than not, the truth is just I am in love with you...there is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone...if a person says he or she is in love with you, he or she means that he or she likes you for who you are now and he or she fell in love with you because of the present you...this kind of love is temporary and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts...when fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us back to reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship...where both were only in love with each other...but if a person says he or she loves you, he or she means that he or she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the past and who you might be in the future...when he or she says he or she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him or her too or if you're in love with the idea of being in love...it is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking...let your heart guide you...may you be blessed on your soul-searching journey for your soulmate... ARE YOU REALLY IN LOVE? ASK YOURSELF! Is this true love? Do I really love him or her? Or is it just another infatuation? Are you willing to give? Even though you may not get back the same amount you gave? and are you cheating yourself? Thinking that you really love him or her and not just taking him or her as a substitute for your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend? Friends, let today be the day...you truly understand love...if after reading this and answering all the questions, you are very sure that you love him or her, tell him or her that... let him or her know how much you love him or her and that you are willing to take the risks of being hurt by him or her in the course of the development of your relationship with him or her...this is a love that's sacrificial, are you ready for it?

Deep in our hearts...All of us are beautiful...

2005-07-11T07:49:00.000+08:00

many people are in search for beauty...but define beauty for me?...beauty is being pretty?...beauty is having a great body?...being tall?..white?...well if thats the case...y0u're telling me that beauty is just a physical aspect...well in fact it d0esn't...if beauty was just a physical aspect of all things...then beauty is not forever...it fades...for me beauty has no definition...it is n0t seen...it is felt...have you ever expirienced being with someone close to you...like your family...friends...the one you love...and everything is perfect...so fun...and y0u wished f0r time to stop...that feeling...that expirience...is what i call beauty...bec0z as l0ng y0u're with someone...beauty will always be there...it is forever...yes, time may pass...we'll all bec0me old...lose our t0uch...our charm...but as l0ng as y0u're with the one y0u l0ve...y0u'll always feel beautiful...for when there is love...there will always be beauty...it is forever...y0u don't have t0 search f0r beauty...bc0z it has always been by y0ur side...learn t0 cherish the pe0ple cl0se t0 y0u...they p0ssess true beauty that will never fade...

Falling...

2005-07-11T07:42:00.000+08:00

everyn0w and then...many pe0ple fall in l0ve...madame ak0ng kilala lal0 na mga kaibigan k0...but m0st of them are shy...embarassed...cgur0 ayaw nila mafeel ung pag nagconfess ka ng love...they will be rejected...sometyms...it causes "iwasan"...but...that's a consequence...and i respect those pe0ple who has the courage to tell the people they love how they feel...afterall...if you just hide y0ur feelings...what good can it give?...will you be happy...seeing the person you love...being with s0me0ne?...in l0ve...itz rare to have sec0nd chances...and s0metymz sec0nd chances still d0n't w0rk out...dba if you love s0meone...you sh0uld d0 everything y0u can?...sabe nga ng isa k0ng matalik na kaibigan...if fall in l0ve...wag m0 masyad0ng sery0sohin...save s0me for urself...s0 y0u don't regret the l0ve that y0u gave...ika nga l0ve can be expressed in simple ways...simply bc0z l0ve is simple...we only make it c0mplicated...ak0?...l0ve is n0t my pri0rity...l0ve can wait..per0 being y0ung d0esn't...well...yes...i'm als0 afraid of being rejected...but i'm n0t afraid of falling in love...sana kay0 din...d0n't be afraid in falling in l0ve...c0z being in love is one of the greatest thing that happens t0 us...it might c0me everyday...lucky y0u...but this is my only advice...if l0ve is painfull and j0yless...itz time t0 let g0...bc0z y0u can still find an0ther l0ve...but never...never...an0ther self...thats all...

My Dream...soon to be my present...

2005-06-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

Everyone dreams...

Because it's free...

Attainable...

but not always...

We must always keep in mind...

In dreams...

We must wake up...

So that...

We could attain it...

Reach it...

And when time comes...

You'll have no regrets...

You've made your life...

Worth living...

all of us dreams...because there is something we want to be...to have...to attain...every dreams are unique...though you can find it similar to others...there is no shallow...nor deep...as long as you have the will...the determination to reach it...it will always be an achievement in your part...a thing you can be proud of...we dream...its the first step in attaining what we call life...we dream because we want to have a purpose...it is the reason why we live...me...my dream...to achieve things far beyond my parents could have...I want to finish my course Accounting...if possible with honors...then pass the board...it could make my family proud...i would study for law...to be a CPA Lawyer...it would be a long hard work for me...if fortunate I'll find a great job...when I have enough money put up my own business...then its possible...I can be the next ***** of Jose Panganiban, Camarines Norte, Bicol...I want to continue the dreams of my dad making it a progressive town...maybe that time it's already a city...hehe...wow...

The Dawning of the New Pride!

2005-06-16T02:19:00.000+08:00

hi guys! since nagshare kayo ng mga first day nyo...im gonna share too! and here it goes...

i thought i was gonna be late for school...it was a big shock for me to found out na talgang crowded na ang beda...i have to form in such a long line para lang makapasok sa gate...sheez...and the rumor about beda having the swipe id thingy...still a rumor...heheh...kaya we're swiping it in the mouth of the guards...hehehe...anyway...i have to go my room...i looked in the clock...tae!!! 7am na...it was time for my psychology class...so i rushed to my room...fortunately...wala pa ung first teacher namin...and well...5 pa lang kaming nasa room...after 5mins...dumating ang prof namin...with a taray looks...paepek nya lang pla un...hehe...we have to start late...kac almost everybody got lost...bago kac...unlike me...hehe...i found out na mas madami ang babae na kaklase ko...about 19 out of 35...aun...hinati agad kami sa grupo...and told us about reporting...Gudness...pahirapan agad...aun...our prof was rili nice...coz she hate terror teachers...i like it when she starts to talk so fast u cudnt understand a word she's saying...hehe...next class was earth science...boring subject...boring din ung teacher...fortunately...dinismiss agad kami after 15mins...so sugod agad sa snackbar...after that...we had a mass...30 mins lang...wow...beat the time record ah...i have no class na!!! yey!!! hinanap ko c rchi and rjadz...and we played dota!!! the next first day of class in my other subject...still starts at 7am...and its the hardest subject in my course...accounting...our prof was a total stand up comedian...tapos he uses sumthing like a headmic...parang magcoconcert...hehe...aun...he asked one by one why we chose accountancy...and tae...lahat ng sagot binabara nya...well lucky for me...tinanong nya lang about my kuya...na nagulat ako dahil kilala nya...aun...he gave us our text book...and told us to read chapter 1....OMG!!! 40 pages!!! i totally hate reading...i guess i have to start not hating it...kesa mapahiya dba? aun...next class was the thelogy...she graduated from ust...she asked one by one to stand up in middle...and tell our name...and sumthing interesting...i always hate that getting to know part...sheez...early dismissal uli kami...so rushed to snack bar na naman...yey...tick tak...time na...time for our english class na...well my favorite subject...unfortunately...boring ung teacher...aun...she told us her long time drama about her life...which is miserable...hehe joke...medyo lang...wahaha...last subject na namin un...for the morning...its 11 am...our next class starts at 4pm...wow...time gap...laki...i went to sm manila...bought a columnar notebook and scram...went back to beda...went to the library...read some books...wow...im practicing to read...achievement!!! wuhoo!!! aun...quarter to 4...i went to my room...i got a seat...eh wala pa teacher...so tahimik lang ako...as always...suddenly...someone told me, "tao ka ba? kac ang tao nagsasalita..." wat dah?!! argh...nginitian ko na lang...as always uli...tapos ung isa naman...keep on poking me in my back...tae...wag jan!!! wag jan!!! may kiliti ako jan! wag ka jan!!!...hehe joke lang...pero may kiliti talga ako dun...she told me na magsalita ka naman...since yesterday ka pang ganyan ah...i smiled na lang ule...tae...d talga nila ako tinantanan...pati ba naman ung mga tao beside me...in front of me...ano ba?! -_- ....then they asked wat my cp no. is...wahh...pinaalala nyo pa...i lost it...so sabi ko, "wala akong cp eh..." and they didnt believe me...sabi nila ayaw ko lang ibigay...suplado pa daw ako...etoh na ba ang mundo ngaun...kelangan may fone lahat?! after 20mins...wala pa rin ung prof....at tae...d na talga dumating....GUDNESS!!! after waiting for how many hours...wala pala ung 4pm class namin...sana umuwi na lang ako at natulog!!!

wahhhhh....so much for my first day dba? well dami ko pang d nasulat...kaso masyadong marahas eh...hehe...anyway...so much for my first dayS huh...hai...miss ko na berclimmicks...addi, jepoy, joed, francis, raffy, pinggoy, lj, jr, errol, guido, abdul, jc, froilan...hmm....sori sa d nabanggit...and as for rchi, rjadz, jiggy...wag na kayo!!! kayo pa rin nakikita ko sa beda...sawa na nga ako eh...hehe joke...cyah!!! (i started typing this at 2:30am...3am na...tulog na uli ako...hehe)

Letting Go

2005-06-13T21:23:00.001+08:00

You're the first girl I ever loved...

None could take that away...

I'm lucky having you...

Maybe not in your case...

But still...

I have to let you go...

Coz I'm simply not good enough...

not for you...

not in any girl...

I'm cursed not to love...

thus...

I'm not to be loved at all...

Many have been wandering why I have to let you go...many are angry...telling me that I'm fool...letting go of a great girl like you...but...do they know the real reason why? simple...im not worth it...i just realized that yes...you are great...and I love you...I love you so much that I realize that I'm not good enough for you...I realize that in the first place...I cannot make you happy as much others can...I cannot be there for you when you're sad...in trouble...when you need me the most...so...that's the very reason why...you got looks...i give you that...you got talent, capabilities, and skills that not all girls have...you're one of the nicest girl...me?...what am I...what do I have...what can I give you...one time...when you had a very high fever...all I can do is stay with you all night...until morning...not a wink...I saw your fone...just lying there...I reached for it...and read some messages in your inbox...hai...many boys are dying to have you...telling that they love you and they'll do anything to make you happy...to make you feel special...hey...was I able to make you happy? to make you feel special? did i had that kind of desire to have you...they're ready to commit themselves to you...and thats the thing I cant do...Loving you isn't enough...I always say to myself and to others...love is simple, we only make it complicated...well...loving really is simple...but making it complicated makes it special...so...I'm stepping my foot back...for I know...you'll never love a boy...soon to be man...like me...simply bcoz I'm not worth it...I'm so ashamed in making you wait...I cant do that no more...It will be a long time before I commit myself...and I cant make you wait that long...you deserve to be love...but not by me...not by Ramch... :)

Life away from friends...

2005-05-22T03:13:00.000+08:00

When your down and troubled

And you need some love and care

And nothing, nothing is going right

Close your eyes and think of me

And soon I will be there

To brighten up

Even your darkest night

You just call out my name

And you know wherever I am

I'll come runnin' To see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall

All you have to do is call

And I'll be there You've got a frien

If the sky above you

Grows dark and full of clouds

And that old north wind begins to blow

Keep your head together baby

And call my name out loud

Soon you'll hear me

Knockin' at your door

You just call out my name

And you know wherever I am

I'll come runnin'

To see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall

All you have to do is call

And I'll be thereAin't it good to know that

You've got a friend?

People can be so cold oh yeah

They'll hurt you and desert you

And take your soul if you let them

But don't you let them

You just call out my name

And you know wherever I am

I'll come runnin'

To see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall

All you have to do is call

And I'll be there

You've got a friend

its been a while since i post another life-time drama of mine...hehe...anyway...its 3:23a.m. and i have nothin to do so im writing something now...these past few days...iv been thinking too much of my friends...it's so damn hard not to be with your friends...the one whom you cherished last few years of your life...but we cant do anything about it...its part of life...and the hardest one...we call letting go...we cant be together forever...sasabihin natin, "sana ganito na lang lage"...well it cant happen...sooner or later...we'll have to live our own lives...not with one another but with another...maybe thats why God made each of us different...to know the uniqueness of others...we have to explore...meet and know more people...more friends...but we have to remember never to forget...the people...events...places...that became part of your life...it will serve as your adventure from the past...and will lead you to a much more exciting one...I've never thinked of these when i was young...why now? why didnt i realized before...why didnt i realize that i have to share time more...outside this world...rather than sitting in this chair...typing these senseless things...well its 3:35a.m in the morning, i cant do anything right now...too early...hehe...later il go for a walk and wait for the dawn...where i saw it most beautiful...i hope i dont get lazy....anyway...i think its better not to be with your friends always...so that when you see each other again...ul have sumthing to say...especially this line, "namiss ko kayo ah...". well i think thats all i can say for now...

know the song you've got a friend...and ul realize that your friends are always there when you call their name...they'll share happiness and pain for you...their life is yours and yours is theirs....thats what friends are for...Gudmorning....

Even in death...will love prevail?

2005-05-07T18:15:00.000+08:00

i've just read this...
dunno why it bothers me so...
just want to share...
let you know what love...
really is all about...

**************************************

The Story:

What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten..... that I love the way she laughs at me when I commit mistakes, the way she fusses over silly things and even the way she cries over some sad silly late night show? Somehow, I wished I could have told her that I love her but now there's no hope in doing so. For now, it's rather too late- too late for me to do so. She was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not only because she's pretty and smart but also the way she laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love. I could still remember the first time we met; I was five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to play with except for my best friend, Troy. He and his family just moved out to transfer at a neighboring state because his father got promoted. And so I climbed up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when out came the loveliest girl I've seen. She was four years old that time but then even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long curly hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes which could make a man lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, "Would you like to come up?" she answered, "May I?" So I help her climb up and when she reached the top she then turned to me and said, "By the way, my name's Sam, what's yours?" I answered, "My name is Christopher but then you can call me Chris." She smiled and said, "Well I like your name. Hey your tree house's neat!" then I replied, "Thanks! Troy and I made this. This used to be our hide out. We used to goof around, play ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss him you know." She smiled and said "I'm here now, we could do things you do with troy and I could be your new best friend too. I never had a boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does that sound to you?" I smiled and said, "Well that sounds good enough." Then she held her hand and said, "It's a deal then!" So that's how it started. So we became best friends and it was kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was I who talked to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which meant having to loose a week’s allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires. The lake was our favorite hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other's dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more. As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once, when we were at the lake having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my best friend. Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I'm taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feeling hidden. We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches wherever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance mixed feelings of anger and hurt because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her. Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of the campus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team which Mark was the captain. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared that she might see in my eyes the pain I'm feeling inside because of seeing her with another guy. Those days that followed where the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her side. every time we meet in hallways and I see him around her, there's a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me was now casted on him as she passes by me she doesn’t know that I whisper the words "God how I love you." Then one faithful day they broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it ended up to their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe I would have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do. So we found ourselves doing what we did in old days with our Saturday swim routine, spending time in our tree house. We still enjoyed doing childish pranks for we still are both young at heart. So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn't bring myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her I love her. So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart. It was a week from our JS Prom, we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after our afternoon swim when she said, "I was wondering Chris if you would like to be my partner?" It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. It took me awhile to answer her, "I thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?" So she turned away and quietly said, "Well I just thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend." Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear, "Don't you want to die just like them to be my partner Chris?" I was too stunned to speak for it came close for me to blurt my feelings for her. We we're silent for a while until I finally whispered, "I would be happy to be your partner Sam." The she smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy I felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head. Suddenly she stood up and run towards the water saying, "Last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!" I ran slowed up so that I would lose which meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more. Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam's mother greeted me and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I look up and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the corsage around her wrist and whispered, "To the loveliest girl in the whole world." She then asked, "Is that true?" I nodded and she smiled and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her. When we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and gowns. Then I held out her hand bowed and said," Would you give me the honor of your first dance?" She laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to the dance floor. It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair were like waves enhancing her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and the magic was gone. I came close to telling her, but still haven't done it. We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her if she wanted a drink, she nodded and so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our table, she was gone. I asked her friend, Katie, where she was but she told me that she doesn't know. So I went and search for her. As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhouette figures outlined by the moon's silvery light. They were so close to each other. I could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the gymnasium. Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her the chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn't return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our house. In the hallways, as she approaches I would go to another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride. The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me. There was something in her eyes I couldn't describe. There was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn't the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned and walked away from me. So I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each achievement I have was done for her. I thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I'm worthy of having her. It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her. I reached their house; I saw her older sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn't smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful lasy just like my dear Sam. I then asked," Hi Jen! I guess you're surprised why I'm here. Well I just want to visit you and I was also hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know. Ummm.........bby the way have you seen her?" All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly "Come follow me." I was confused with the way she's acting but still I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but just answered my questioned briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree Sam and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It's been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. The Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, "There's Sam." I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw and desperately tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up. I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations and slowly started saying," It has been a week since she died. She died of Leukemia, but even though she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here for she always regards this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give you this." She handed me a parcel and with that she left. I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading........

****************************** **

The Letter:

I know by this time you read this letter I'm gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just bloomed each day that's why the happiest days of my life was when you were by my side. You just don't know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you are with me. When you are away, I can't stop crying because I'm afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just can't bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that's how I feel. Each time you held me close to you was like a dream coming true for to be close to you and feel your heart beating next to mine was heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to full myself that you're in love with me too. So many nights I've cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might think that what I'm saying are lies but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I love. I know you might be thinking of Mark but I just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel something for me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know how you would react and with that I'll know that you love me too. But I failed for you didn't give me any clue. When our prom night came, you just don't know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn't want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it's you whom I really love. What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance to do so. You continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I've experienced that time. I felt the world crushing on me. In our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I love you but I decided that I just couldn't do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left. Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, still I want you to know that I will always love you and my heart has always been and will be yours alone. P.S. Think of me sometimes.... and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

************************************

The Love:

I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven."

The Pasacao Experience!!!

2005-05-03T11:10:00.000+08:00

Every moment I experience...

Every beauty seen...

Every life foreseen...

This things...

I trully cherish...

I trully reminisce...

Life for me...

Trully...

God given....

Hey guys!!! Back from Bicol...hmm...month of fiesta sa amin ngaun...hehe...pero this post is not about fiesta...its about my experience in Pasacao...so as the title says...hehe...anyways...the experience started in our way there...where 5 soldiers stopped our van...and pointed their M-16 at us...scary?...nah...cla lang ung natakot...i was a little drowsy at that time eh...hehe...anyway...they told us that we infiltrated their barricade on our way...we'll we have too...if not, we could've crashed on the bus in front of us...so we have to cut our way to the barricade...after some talks between the officers...our driver...kuya bimbo...and kuya ehric...we were able to continue our travel...we'll thats a *phew...heheh...anyway...we we're able to arrive in Pasacao, Camarines Sur, Bicol...yuho0!!! as always...people will look at us...like a star (*ahem) came to their town...moving on...we stayed in a small kubo along the beach of Pasacao...it was great...for them...as for me...it was a bore...no sun signal...it's so hot...and all i could see is sand and my enemy...the Sea...hehe...after unpacking their things...they rushed to the sea and swam...they look so happy...me? nah...no swimming for me...instead...i picked up some shells...purple ones...and buried an army of ants in the sand...hehe...desperadong may magawa noh?...anyway...when I'm bored...my head will suddenly ache...and it did...so i have to lie down in the kawayan bed...looking bored...looking despressed...my brother saw me and said..."KAW ANG GAGAMIT NG PC SA MANILA FOR 2 DAYS...SOLO MO...BASTA MAG-ENJOY KA LANG...PLS...NAAWA AKO SAYO EH..." aWw...so sweet naman ni kuya ehric...anyway I just smiled and said "KAHIT WAG NA"...(pero deep inside..."CGE BAH, YEY SOLO KO PC!!!")...heheh...tama daw ba...back to the story...its time for dinner!!! and as expected...SEA FOOD!!! yey...my fave!!! after eating...we prepared ourselves because we're going to an island...hmm...i forgot its name...but i call it "NUNO SA PUNSO ISLAND" because it is shaped like nuno sa punso...on our way there, we saw some fishes...colorful ones and a lot of sea urchins...we arrived in the island...and here's the weird part...all newcomers in that island should bite a rock...its to prevent bad things from happening there...so we picked some rocks...and yes...we bite it...hehe...yuck noh...we'll its fun naman eh...i brought the rock that i bit here in manila...its a souvineir...hehehe...they settle for some gin pomelo, mangga, tilapia and other sea fuds...some of them swam again...me? hehehe? yup...its expected...im just sitting around...eating and looking at the scenery...hey...i saw the mount mayon...here's the engot part...i said to kuya bimbo.. "uyy!!! ung mt. pinatubo oh!!!"...hehe...one of the guys told me "hehe...dba sa pampangga un...Mt. Mayon yan"...hmph...tnks alot ha!!! sana nakioo ka na lang...hehe joke...anyway...we went to another island...once again, i dont know the island...let's just call it "ISLAND NA NILALABASAN NG MAINIT NA TUBIG"...hehe...too long and too senseless dba...hehe anyway from the self proclaimed by me itself tells that it produces hot water from that island...there we splash ourselves for some refreshments...a very hot one...we didnt stayed at that island long...because its already dark...so we have to sailed back already...on our way back...I gazed at the sky...full of stars...AS IN FULL OF STARS...so full d mo mapapansin ung dark sky...hehe...and the weird part is...we cant see the moon...not even single phase...here's another engot part...fortunately its not me hu's the engot...when we ported...the lil children...i call them the monkeys...bcoz they're brown, small and hyper...back to the engot portion...as soon as we ported...they ran so fast...without looking on their way...natalisod sila sa mga tali ng mga bangka...ung isa sa sobrang bilis...napalipad...heheh...sumobsob ung mukha sa sand...its lyk a super man in a monkey form, flying...flying...boom!!...heheh...anyway...its not all fun...dat nyt...Ichie got sick...she had a high fever...her temperature was already 39 degrees...tae...so all night...i have to stay with her...until 5 in the morning...i didnt sleep...not a wink...tnk God...that morning her fever went down...but i have to leave na to Jose Panganiban, Bicol...i left Ichie, sleeping...i got some sleep in our way back...not a good one...

Well...thats all...a one day...one night experience in Pasacao...another day for me to remember...another day for me to cherish!!! That's all!!!

Unforgettable...Berclimmicks...Experience!!!

2005-04-24T17:04:00.000+08:00

One of the best things in life is being with the one you love...

With your family...

Friends...

love ones...

Because through them...

They make life worth living...

Worth looking back to the past...

Reminiscing...

Remembering...

Reliving the moments...

That once made you the person you want to be...

The Ramch that no one could be...

Just got home from Bicol with other Berclimmicks!!! It was so fun...one of the best days of my life...It was a perfect outing...nothing went wrong...from the travel to the outing itself...it was a four unforgettable days...we learned many things...experienced more to say...it was really a certified U.B.E. (unforgettable berclimmicks experience)...unfortunately...4 days became too fast...like they time flies especially when you're having fun...In that four days...I wished it never last...but it did...well...thats reality...I want to thank those guys who came...those guys made my four days...worth remembring...worth living...as I move on...march forward to the undiscovered tomorrow...I'll always find time to look back...but never step back...those experience with you guys made me yearn to live...nevertheless...made me live the thought of being with you guys as much as I could...it may not be forever...yes...but it in my heart...it will...in my mind...it shall...

To you guys!!! To Berclimmicks!!! We'll remember!!!We'll reminisce!!! We'll march on!!! Move on!!! Together!!! Forever!!!

Be Gone For While...

2005-04-16T22:09:00.000+08:00

To those who reads my blog...

Especially...

Tink...

Abdul...

Froi...

OMG...

It's only them...

Anyway...

I'll be out for awhile...

Thanks for visiting my blog...

I'll be back this thursday...

It's never goodbye...

Hey tomorrow until thursday will be one of the most exciting day of my life...we'll have an outing in Bicol...hehehe...here's the activities we'll have:

April 17-going to bicol...

April 18-Overnyt beach in Pag-asa beach...

Bonfire at night....

Bonding and story telling...

Star and falling star gazing...hehehe...

April 19-Tour in Jose Panganiban, Bicol...wala lang...

April 20-Overnyt in Japanese Camp...(near the lighthouse...ah basta...d mo alam un...hehe)

Ghosthunting in the lighthouse at night...

April 21-Pahinga...

Souvenir stop...bili na pasalubong!!! Pili NutS!!

Going back to Manila...

well...thats about it...nakakainggit ba?...hehe...d naman masyado...slight lang...sana matuloy dba?!!! Aun...Seeyah guys!!!!

Pieces of Advice...

2005-04-15T20:23:00.000+08:00

Things happen...

Oppurtunity knocks....

Once...

Twice...

But not always...

Destiny abides....

But let me just say this one piece of advice....

And that's to live your life...

To the fullest...

For more...

Not less...

I never thought...

2005-04-13T21:57:00.000+08:00

I tried to help...

To give advice...

To sacrifice...

But I never thought...

You'll see me as the person I hate to be...

I cried as soon as I knew...

I find it hard to sleep...

Even a wink...

I dont want tomorrow to come...

For all I know...

I have no reason to wake-up...

It's the first time you became angry because of me...but tnks to that...now I know what you think of me now...not knowing the things I've done...I've sacrificed alot...because I only want you to have the best things in life...maybe I've done to much...it's just that you're one of the person who I cherish most...and I know you deserve to best...well...it's ok now...now that we have talked to each other...pero but still...it still hurt me...the things you've said...you say it's a misunderstanding...I say it's the truth...I still continue defending you...dont worry...i'm just letting everything out in this post...so as to say...im stepping my foot down...even for awhile...though this things happened...it'll never change how I'll treat you...you'll still be one of my best'est friend...And I'll still longed the best for you...Stay cool...stay the same...you know it's you...A******!!! *wink

Yan...medyo nalabas ko na hinanakit ko...sorry...hehe ; )...

College Life...Never like Highschool Life...

2005-04-11T10:43:00.000+08:00

As we face this new challenge...

Third phase as we call it...

Life will never be the same as we know it...

Not always fun...

But always tiring...

Too much complicated...

Too much pressure...

Not enough time...

But we can't stop now...

Let us move on...

Step forward...

Reach for the goal...

For Highschool life is now just a past...

A memory to look back...

Thus...

A motivation to aim high...

So let the challenge begin!!!

College life...so they say is hard...unlike highschool...you cannot be a happy-go-lucky guy...every unit counts...time is much required...every seconds ticks...every hour meets...books to memorize...recitation to recite...people around you are strangers...know them well...as much as possible...if there's freedom...use it well...for when it goes away once again...pressure comes...harships to endure...time for us to face whats there for us...it wouldnt be the same...but heck...you can't be forever young...you must now give the seats to the others...let them experience the fun you had...the memories that will forever be in a special place we call heart...

Challengers!!! Be prepared!!! Let's show them we're the hope of the future!!! Henceforth!!! Step forward!!! Aim high!!! Reach for the sky!!!

It was never a dream...

2005-04-10T19:13:00.000+08:00

It's been so long

Since I felt the warmth

So warm

It embraces my heart

It was like a dream

I felt so good

Suddenly I saw someone

He was smiling at me

He looks familiar

But I couldn't recognize him

He walked closer

He hugged me so tight

I couldn't describe the feeling
I felt so strange

I couldn't do anything
But to hug back

So I hugged so tight

And hope both you and I will never let go

It was like a dream

But it never was

For all I knowI found a friend

NeverthelessI woke up

Just to see you again...

Friend of a Fool

2005-04-10T18:35:00.000+08:00

If you're leaving me
Please do it now
So that as early as now
I can bear the pain
That hurts me most
And crushes my heart
Don't take pity
Don't do!
For its not worth it at all
To be a friend of a fool
Thats all i can say
But please remember one thing
Promise you'll never forget
For as long as this pain remains
I'll remember...
I'll never forget...
Your my friend...
Friend of a fool...

End of the Best Times We ever had...

2005-04-06T20:19:00.000+08:00

Friends together...

Soon to part...

Once we grow...

We shared...

We loved...

And now we bid ourselves goodbye...

For highschool lyf...

As we all know is over...

Good life...

Good love...

Good luck...

Good looks...

Senior's 04-05

Now signing-off...

And saying goodbye...

I didn't know that a time span of four years can change my life...i dont know wether its for the better...or the other way around...I've expirienced the happiest and saddest in this four years...but like what they say...time flies...especially when you're having fun...this coming friday...highschool life as Bedan 04-05...as they all know...will be formally over...a time for us to face the truth...to leave the life that made us realize who we really are...the life that shaped me...but there's no turning back now...yes...it will be over...nevertheless...open up a path to another challenge...another chapter...it may not be as fun as it was before...but heck...thats life...its not always fun...but this is what's certain...as life goes on...move on...this experience will always remain both in our mind and hearts...and friends will always be there with us...for pleasure...for pain...

To my friends...my best'est friends...BerCliMmicks...trully...You changed my life for the better...you made my highschool life the greatest...you became my inspiration...my motivation...to go on...to step forward...you carried me when I'm tired...you held my hand when I'm alone...You became my light when I'm in darkness...became my guide whenever I'm lost...At least let this post express my gratitude and appreciation to you guys...Addison, Rchi, Raffy, Rjadz, Pinggoy, Paolo, JC, Jessie, TJ, Francis, Froilan, Jr, Louie, Jepoy, Joed, Xyrus, Guido, Abdul, Patrick, Jiggy, and to all other guys who I forgot to mention...tnks talaga...

*and so to speak...I would also like to thank my lil sis...Bon...who is always there...maybe not physically...Thanks for cheering me up...for motivating me in the challenges that passes...to your care, love, and support...you never let me down...thanks for the letter and gift that you gave me...it really touched me...always remember...i'll always be here...in times of pleasure and pain...so smile...these past few days you've been very...hmm...should i say depressed and confused of whats going on in your life...dont worry...i'll be here...i'll hold on to you...I wont let go....I promise...

To the senior's 04-05...let us stand up...heads up...and aim high!!! Congratulations...we made it!!!

That's all I ask of you...

2005-03-28T06:15:00.000+08:00

You know you're close to me...

You know I can smile without you...

I can sing without sing without...

Can love without you...

Can laugh without you...

But still...

You know I can't be me without you...

I ask favor very seldom...and I ask it seriously...but once you promised me you'll do it...i dont know...somehow i know that promise would be broken...still it doesn't bother you...thats all i'm asking...please say no if you have to...you know it hurts me when you say no...but still it hurts me more when you say yes...still in the end...you'll say no...somehow i'm expecting it to happen...maybe i just expected it too much...that i myself can't take it anymore...i dont want to say that your insensitive...but from what your showing...you're worse than that...i dont deserve your sorry...because i know its half meant...i know you hate saying sorry to people...especially the close ones...just because your pride becomes shallow...heck...who cares about your pride being shallow and shallow...what about the feelings of others? have you considered them more to yourself?

I was expecting you this special day for me...Dont worry...I'll still smile this day...I wont spoil it...I'll make it the best day without you...

Turning Seventeen...

2005-03-22T22:48:00.000+08:00

I am boy facing manhood...

Fears nothing but change...

As time pass by...

As the world change...

for better...

or worse...

I will still be me...

Still the same...

Still Ramch...

This coming Monday I'll face another year of my life...another mystery and misery...sweet sixteen...never been kissed nor touched...so they say...it depends on the person...I guess...As for me, I dont know...i feel sick...i i feel sick and tired...I've always felt this way..it might not look like i'm sad and lonely...heck why should I let them know how miserable I feel...God has done everything for me not to feel this way...I thank him fo that..I really do...but still...I've been given freedom to choose what I feel...and I choose to be miserable...how stupid of me...but i want to continue loving someone who I know I cannot be with...well at least I want that person to feel that I exist...I'm staying...everyday I'll look at my fone...waiting for the person to text me...at least i know taht person cares...and misses me...I'm still waiting...well, Im used to wait...all this time I've been waiting...that person is worth my while...that person is worth my life....Turning seventeen...I dont feel like it...Aging 18,19,20...does it matter? what difference does it make...Life for me will always be miserable...but heck...it's fun...it's worth my time...

Life has shown...

2005-03-22T22:31:00.000+08:00

Life has shown me beauty

It has shown me love

Next is its passion

Lastly its pride

But all of these are nothing

to a man who lost his life

Taken by death?

Nay

Captured by sorrow

Conquered by solitude

Tell me now what to do?

Where to go?

Still I hide from the reign of darnkness

Nevertheless imprisoned by the night

Come what may unfortunate fate

For my life is already taken

What more will you take from me...

Alone in a Crowd...

2005-03-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

Is this my fate?

To be alone in a crowd

Who seeks no friend

Nor one love

As time pass by

I feel no change

Still a man

Who never olds

But always lie

Did God cursed my fate?

And closed the gates

Which has no key

For a vanquished man

I waited days

I waited nights

I felt a chill

Yet not cold

Am I dead?

Or do I only want to die

Tell me why

Share me life

For I am Alone

Alone in a crowd...